The Khaki Skirt from Hell
Found an old post on my Myspace Blog and it’s still priceless.
Originally written October 14,2007
Today I took a gander at an old Lucky Magazine which had to be from the summer because it was filled with wonderful summery gauze shirts and flowy skirts. While reading I couldn’t help but think about this girl I once knew and her “sexy” skirt which was really a hag rag.
I could tell she loved the skirt. Whenever she wore it she always walked a little taller and used her patented “I think I’m sexy” walk that really just looked like an awkward gaunt for the socially inept, but I digress. She was caucasian and the skirt was about two shades darker than her skin tone. Basically it blended in, but badly.
After watching her rock this monstrosity one too many times, I decided that it was time for me to tell her that the skirt was horrible and she should look into getting some other “sexy” skirt because it was making me ill.
Before continuing, I should describe her wardrobe. Basically it was filled with clothing that was ill fitting and unflattering. I say this with all the kindness I can muster, it all looked cheap. Not that one needs to spend spend spend to have nice clothing, but honestly, this shit looked as though she made one too many trips to clearance rack at J.C. Penney after all of the relatively decent shit was long gone. Also, I’d like to point out that her clothes weren’t actually cheap, she just made them look cheap. There’s something about her that could make a Carolina Herrera gown look like she got it from Rainbow. She’s just got the cheap vibe.
So, one day she calls and says “lets go shopping.” I thought to myself, “this is perfect, I can tell her and we can replace it all in the same day and she won’t get angry!” WRONG! She tells me that she’s going to pick me up. So I get to her car and what does she have on? Tada! That damn skank skirt! My response, “aww damn!”
Fast forward a few months, we’ve stopped speaking over several things, I think subconsciously that skirt was included. I went out one night and guess who slinks in? You guess it! Now, for the best part, SHE’S WEARING THAT DAMN SKIRT! I almost cried. It was like the skirt was following me. I couldn’t get away from the Khaki, I just knew that skirt would be the last fucking thing I saw before I died.
Needless to say, the skirt is gone now, but I’m always vigilant. One day, the skirt and the skank may reappear to ruin one more moment of my precious life.